I hardly ever update this blog! First of all, the bf and I are doing alright these days. Better than alright. We’re very comfortable. So comfortable I find myself secretly wanting to make things more permanent.
I’ve spent a lot of time in therapy the past couple of years, and I’ve slowly started to realize that Mr. Right is the most well-adjusted person in my little universe. I had trust issues for quite a while with him, this is true. But ultimately I realized that beneath his stoicism, he really is a very dependable guy. The most dependable person that I know, despite his absent-minded tendencies.
So now what?
Now, it is the season for weddings. I am going to be in another wedding party next June (as a groomsman for my long-time friend who is a lesbian) and a bridesmaid the year after that for a flighty-but-funloving girl I’ve become closer to lately. I get to plan her bachelorette party for her, and I look forward to it because she has similar tastes to me, and she is not heaping on the pressure or anything.
“The Bride” is now a new mommy with an impossibly beautiful baby boy. It hasn’t really stopped her and her husband’s prima donna attitude from continuing to drive me crazy, but I bite my lip.
Yesterday, I had the honour and privilege to be fitted for a suit. Being a 5’1″ petite woman being fitted for a groomsman suit basically means that the person waiting on you at the store will hate you and you’ll have to keep sizing down until you find something (however uncomfortable) that will not fall off. It’s going to look strange. Very strange. But she’s like a sister to me, so I’ll shut up and take it. 
Flighty-But-Funloving has elected to have no Maid of Honour, and the bridesmaids just have to pick out a li’l black dress. She wants to make as easy as possible for us, which I think is adorable- but I know she has an opinion about what she wants, so I’m gently trying to coax her to be a little bit more specific.
What else?
Long-Time-Friend’s wedding is going to have my other ex (we’ll call him Ex2) and some of his friends there, and I’m not really on comfortable terms with them. Partly because of Flighty-But-Funloving, who uninvited him from her wedding (he was a long-time friend of her fiance). Confused yet? She’s not well-liked with them. One of Ex2′s other long-time friends is the other “groomswoman”. Ex2 may or may not be conducting the ceremony, as he has some bullshit mail-order certification or something.
And…
I have generalized anxiety disorder. I’ve spent my life rolling over and playing dead for people whenever they piss me off, and then secretly stewing about it. You know, like creating a secret blog *cough*. Often people with overbearing personalities that will gladly (if unconsciously) take advantage of my silence to monopolize the entire relationship. SO I feel angry, then I feel guilty for being angry, then I feel stupid for not having done something about my anger, then I try to convince myself I have nothing to be angry about. And on and on. I’m also very paranoid, self-conscious, awkward, shy and terminally forgiving to people. I used to dismiss a lot of things my friends did. Now I’m starting to realize my annoyance at them is fully justifiable in some cases. I just don’t have the balls to give them what-for. But maybe I will eventually.
